Britain's Got Talent 2012 judges announced: Simon Cowell returns with new pal Walliams
In what was doubtlessly the most exciting piece of news to emerge between 9:27 and 9:36am this morning, the judging panel for Britain's Got Talent has been announced.
Anyone hoping for Stephen Hawking as head judge will be………..DISAPPOINTED…. as creator of the wheel Simon Cowell returns in the new series, replacing previous judge David Hasselhoff after the chisel-headed talking car enthusiast used his position to seduce a Welsh factory worker.
On the other hand, anyone hoping that Alesha Dixon would move over to the series from Strictly Come Ice Climbing will be…….. APPOINTED….. as the singer/dancer/whatever grudgingly took a significant pay hike in order to judge some of the UK's most unstable exhibitionists.
Of course, you can't have a judging panel with just two people (you easily could) so Alesh and Suh-hime-hun will be joined by accidental Thames poo-swallower David Walliams and Amanda Holdenkiss in their bid to find just one iota of talent in a country with a population just under than that of the Democratic Republic of Congo. Whatever that means.
SIMON COWELL'S OFFICIALLY SANCTIONED QUOTE:
“I miss Britain and I miss the British public and I miss judging them. I want to find the next generation of talent in 2012. Different and new acts, younger and better talent. You want someone who can be a star all over the world and by coming back in 2012, it's the year of the Olympics, it's a big year for Britain, we are going to be in the world's spotlight and I want this show to be back in the world spotlight. This year I really felt that I've got to put my money where my mouth is, so I'm personally putting up £250,000, so that's £500,000 cash to the winner, so that's a big incentive.”
“I'm absolutely delighted David is joining the panel. He thinks he can do a better job than the people there before so it's going to be fun. I think he's terrified!”
"I love Alesha. She is feisty, opinionated and knows what it's like to be both a competitor and judge on a hugely popular TV show. This is going to be a brand new experience for her and I think she is going to bring a lot to the table. I'm really looking forward to working with her and hope we get the opportunity to find a star together"
Yeah, yeah. We're all over the moon about Alesha and David too. Lovely little astronomy quote at the end.
